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How To Get The IT Department To Do Their Actual Job


The IT crowds are notoriously belligerent lot, sitting down in their damp little hovel reading si-fi novels and responding to every query with a snarly air of pomposity.  Just because they understand computers and you don’t means that they're better than you, does your little noncomputer understanding brain comprehend?  Without them, the company would fall to pieces and that gives them free reign to be as vitriolic and apathetic as they like.  If you’ve got a problem that no one else can help, maybe you can serve surrepticously calm the IT Department to do what it is they’re actually paid to do.   Step one, be a girl.  You’re exponentially more likely to see results if you have the good fortune to have been born with lady bumps above your tummy, doubly so if you’re even remotely attractive.  The IT Department doesn’t actually find themselves in actual proximity to breasts so they have to seize whatever change they can get.  

Step two, nerd up.  If you’re accidentally a lady with a face like a brew Mack or worse still a rotten stinking man, you’re going to have to engage the IT Clan on their own level.  Learn the basics of si-fi and video games and drop them into casual conversation whenever possible.  This way they won’t think that you’re a complete douche, which is American and Internet speech for wally.

Step three, deal with them like a grown up.  If your computer’s acting up, don’t start screaming down the phone and blaming them and insisting that they deal with it immediately like you’re the only person on the plant.  They probably very busy using company bandwidths that are on the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica.  When they do turn up, be grateful and apologetic if the reason that it’s broken in the first place is because your elbow was resting against the space bar.  

Step four, befriend them.  Firstly, they’re more likely to turn up if you promise to play Team Fortress Two with them on a Saturday night while all the pretty people are in Night Clubs rubbing up and down against each other.  Secondly if you get them drunk enough, you stand a chance of them doing something that they don’t want anyone else to know about which is your ticket to grade A IT support for the rest of your life. Step Five, convince them that you can do it yourself.  If you’re even remotely competent with a computer and it’s not that hard, it’s only buttons and electricity for crying out loud.  You might be able to convince the IT Department to give you enough admin privileges to sort things out all by ourself.  To be honest, Google hold the answers to 99% of your IT queries anyway which is the sort of closely guarded secret that the IT boys want to keep quiet because the quasi irony of them being replaced by machines is unbearable.   Step six, own the company.  There is only one person that the IT boys will bend over for and that’s the big boss.  They’ll smile up to him as if he’s the very embodiment of Alex Vance smothered in honey.  Until then, you’re going to have to keep banging your head against the desk while crying while the IT guys sit about with an air of pompous superiority.  


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All IT Departments are

All IT Departments are different. some get a lot of respect from staff and some get none at all. some IT staff are complete nerds and others are probably out every weekend doing drugs and binge drinking.. so there you have it folks. its bad to generalise :)

WOW look at the nerdrage!!

WOW look at the nerdrage!! they are all firing back. i thought the article was funny - unfortunatley half of our IT staff is female so some of this doesnt apply.

Awesome article man - all

Awesome article man - all you're missing is a byline. Keep at it, and don't let anyone (or a complete lack of wit and research skills) get you down.

- Thank you

- Thank you

Most users have absolutely

Most users have absolutely no idea how complex a task it can be to run an efficient computer network. We don't just sit around twiddling our thumbs waiting for people to call and tell us about how their email isn't working, when all along they hadn't even bothered to press the computer's power button (yes, I have had this query). Large networks need to be tended to and monitored constantly.

IT personnel are often attacked by others when there are computer problems and many times, it's a simple lack of training, not a computer problem at all. Many users are not interested in knowing how to use the computer properly and expect IT to answer their every little question (I work with lawyers, many of which seem to think that learning about using a computer is below them). Busy IT departments often don't have time to solve issues such as users leaning on the space bar or dumping paperwork on the keyboard and wondering what's gone wrong... and you wonder why some queries get answered with a "snarly air of pomposity".

Cut us some slack, we're not just simple button pushers. Maybe you should sit in the hot seat for a week and see what it's like...

This is rubbish. VideoJug,

This is rubbish. VideoJug, you are probably one of those people who has lied on your CV about your ability to power on a computer and now you expect IT to come over and help you deal with everything from how to delete a character from your Word masterpiece to how to find the right printer in the building. Seriously, if you can't operate machinery, don't sign up for it.

There are arseholes and arrogance in every career field that exists, IT and clearly 'journalism' are no exception.

I help anybody with the right attitude, I can see how after reading this, I would be the kind of person to tell you to get stuffed.


Bwhahaha. Bend over for the

Bwhahaha. Bend over for the big boss? AS IF. Even a semi competent geek would more than likely tell the boss to go forth and procreate should they get rubbed up the wrong way.

It's not just IT. Any decent engineer has the same privilege.